Broken marriages, relationships.. Are we going stale?

Broken marriages, relations, relationships, what we see in our day to day life… That is what prompted me to write this. I’m not married. You may be wondering how a bachelor can write about married life and @least some of you will be thinking “How can he?” or “It’s easy to say and difficult to bring into practice. Well I admit I’m not an authority to make any comment. But I take the liberty of being a prospective husband (I’m already a candidate… Parents have already started searching) to make an attempt on sharing my views, opinion and perception.

Well the average lifespan of a person is calculated around 60 – 65 years. Normally people get married between 24 and 30. That means marriage is an important decision based on which 2/3rd of our life is gonna depend upon. But I doubt if this is being handled in a proper manner. Before marriage, bachelors (both men and women) have the freedom of being their own. They only have to consider their likes, dislikes, lifestyle and everything. The day they gets married, it is this situation which is being changed. They also need to consider the likes and dislikes of another person also. Some people find it very hard to face this reality. They feel it’s their freedom that is being lost. I earlier days our families used to have more members in joint family and all, and the sharing mentality was developed automatically in an individual when he/she is being brought up. But now, the nuclear families where there is only one or two kids, with parents and grand parents busy to the core, kids are taught to be selfish and materialistic. They only think of them. Consideration for others is something which is lacking. They used to get anything and everything they wish to have in life. Their parents could afford it. They expect the same to happen in a married life. They expect their spouse to be the way they want. But they never try to be the way their spouse want them to be. This is a kind of situation we software professionals refer as deadlock.(Acc to Wikipedia: A deadlock is a situation wherein two or more competing actions are waiting for the other to finish, and thus neither ever does.) A deadlock in a wedlock is never feasible to happen to anyone. But I think 80% of the failures in marriage start from this deadlock. Husband may be modern and want his wife to be so. And the wife who is born and brought up in a traditional environment could never rise to her husband’s dreams. Things will be worse if she starts finding fault in her husband for being so modern. In fact every marriages should be a give and take relation. Consider your spouse a person like you with dreams, ambitions, likes, dislikes, beliefs, friends, parents, relatives and everything that you have got. Respect the other person as an individual. Set aside your egos and false prestige. They will only help to make things worse. In a give and take relationship, let it be in the order is said.. Give and then try to take. Give love and respect. And let the love be unconditional. When u gives something expecting something in return, its business, a kind of barter system. Don’t turn your life into a business like this. Let your love (not just in case of marriage alone) be unconditional. In a married life, it is very important to build up an emotional bonding between the partners. It’s a time consuming process too. Two different persons, born and brought up in 2 different situations, who have different set of dreams, ambitions, tastes, likes and dislikes, are starting a family. They need to build up a dream of their own, a life of their own. It’s quite natural to have difference in opinion, and clashes. But always try to understand any such situation is not the end of life. It’s just a bend in the road, and definitely not the end of the road. Actually patience, love, care and an open heart and a sincere attempt to understand the other will help a lot to make things better here. Just realize no one is perfect in life. Neither do I, nor is you. Try to make yourself perfect for your spouse, than trying to make your spouse perfect for you. The willingness to share and forgive is very important in any relationship. And that is why I told you to have unconditional love. This will automatically help us to forgive and sacrifice our likes a little, and adjust a little. And that’s the essence of any relationship.

Digging about the past of the spouse is another trend which ruins marriages. I think it’s the most serious mistake people do. I don’t think there is a single person on earth who have not admired or have got attracted towards another member of the opposite sex before marriage. @least in their teens. Sometimes your spouse may have had a past relationship. Or sometimes it’s you who have had a broken love affair. Leave the past as past. Leave it as it is. If its your spouse who had an affair earlier, then forgive. And have a sigh of relief. Because he / she married only you and not the other person. If it’s you who have a haunting past, don’t try to compare your spouse with your ex lover. It’s a total waste of time. You don’t have the power to reverse anything that has happened. Consider your spouse the way he / she should be. Forget the past. Live the life in present. Attitude is a very important thing which could help you here. We cannot change the whole world. What we can do is to change our attitude. Yes it is everything. It depends on our attitude that if we are happy or not. And again happiness is a relative term too. It differs from person to person. Some find happiness in listening to music; some find it when they are watching a football match. Adjust yourself, Change your attitude, Live your life more better (because we have only one). Love your spouse as the way he / she is. Don’t try to bring them to your style. Instead you can try to adjust a little and life will be heaven if both do this. And always remember that life is not a bed of roses.. it’ll have thorns also. It’s not a dream world. Try to be in the reality. And do understand that marriage brings 2 families together, it’s not just two persons alone. It’s the start of a new life and the future lies in your hand.

(Hope I have not bored u to the core. I’d be happy if this could help anyone in their life. Well if any of u feel I have stated anything which contradicts with your concepts, a sorry in advance.. this is what I have in mind about a marriage life)