My topic is ordinary and probably of no interest to you. My individual thoughts and experiences are of no consequences in the general scheme of things. But my Journal will explore that which made me as I am today and as I am continually remade throughout my life. Welcome to my Analysis of Life ...
Friday, 6 July 2007
The Mirror has many faces
When I sleep I sometimes fall in the arms of dreams and I am totally ruled by them as they take me up and down through dreamland. Sometimes in my dreams I presented with a very complicated problem which is unsolvable, except my mind keeps looking for the solution and builds up into such frenzy that I get up with an aching head and totally confused. One of my dreams has me standing in one of those old fashioned trial rooms with mirrors on all sides and if you look into one mirror then you see multiple reflections of the same you. I like to focus on only one of the many images that I can see and try to ignore the other images. It is almost as if I like that particular image of myself and I want to keep focusing on that as I stand in the trial room. One of these nights when I had this dream, I had trouble focusing on that image and the whole effort of it broke my sleep and I got up and started to think about this dream and its implications in real life. To me the parallels with real life were easy to draw. I see myself, as I am today, in many images and I like to potray myself in different images to different people. All of the images put together would probably define me the best rather than each image by itself. Each image has its element of truth, hope and fantasy. There is some truth or the image wouldn’t have generated to begin with but I also hope and fantasise about completely being the person that I seek to potray in my image. Sometimes the image comes out unconsciously without me knowing it. Reading through the archives of my blog I see images of myself that I didn’t know existed. If I now had to sit and write on the same issues I would probably churn out a totally different post. Totally different thought process and conclusion.In all this there is how I imagine myself to be. That one image that I focus on in my dream and that I like the most. That is how I imagine myself to be. Under the harsh gaze of my eyes sometimes this image breaks down to nothing and I stand naked in front of the mirror just the way I am. Growing up I was horrified at seeing myself without an image but now I have come to like myself better this way. The image is slowly changing and it is resembling more and more of me. It is becoming more and more like a glass which is slowly getting cleared. The process is not easy but it is gratifying to say the least. The world looks much clearer now. I want to say simpler but I don’t think that is the case, atleast not yet.
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